Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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