I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
