I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Randomize
