You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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