my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
