tell your sister to shave her snatch
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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