Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
