benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
