Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Randomize
