A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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