Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
The Olympian is in my bed
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
