we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
