eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
