I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
