i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Randomize
