im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
