why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
