You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
