i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
