His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
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