arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
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