Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
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