UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
