Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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