and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
