I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
