Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
