Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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