Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
