Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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