As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
