im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
