I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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