Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
