so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
