anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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