So drunk its hurt
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
