I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
