i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
