why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Randomize
