they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
