I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
