Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I think I sprained my soul last night
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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