I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
