I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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