bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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