I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
