i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
