I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
