my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
