I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
You don't make any sense
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