Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Randomize
