so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
